Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I turn 28 tomorrow..

I think a major part of growing up is about determining what we want for our lives. Since I am at the mature age of 28 now, I can safely announce that I have no clue about what I want.

I created a passion list, and I tried to summarize what is it exactly that I want to achieve in my life. Yet, there are some things that can appear to be achieved, but that sense of emptiness proves that it still isn’t. It isn’t fulfilling me yet.

Maybe it’s not only about what I want. Maybe it is also about how these things I want will make me feel.

Sometimes, I think I have created a comfort zone around me. A too comfortable comfort zone, that it is scary to let go of it. When things happen in my life, even good things, I have forgotten how to enjoy them, because I keep thinking about the agony of having to lose them one day, and how that will make me feel..

This has made me unable to enjoy the moment. Last year, I read a remarkable book called ‘The Power of Now’ which aimed at reminding people to focus on the current moment they’re living in, and not to fret about past or future events. Excellent idea, only, it is not easy to do that every day.

I am not depressed, there are no reasons of unhappiness in my life these days, and I thank God for that every day.
I am not a drama queen either, I want to live happily and enjoy and have fun and find peace.

But I think I am just scared.

What if I don’t like what I am getting myself into? What if I don’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would, and what if it hurt other people around me, if not myself, in the process?

I have come to believe that change has huge powers. It can make me ecstatic and it can suck me into a depression hole. I don’t want to be in either place. I want to be a balanced person who thinks about things before diving into them.

I just realized that I said ‘ I want’…

Maybe that is what I want. And maybe I should take my time, to be able to take the right decisions. And maybe I need to de-cluster my life from everything and everyone that does not add value to it. And maybe I should sit more with myself, and get to know me more. And I have a lifetime to do that.. All the time in the world..

Happy Birthday to me :)

My Shelfari Bookshelf

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog